When people with substance abuse problems have childfren what happens to the kids?

Of the 1050 people admitted to GCASA treatment and residential programs in 2009, 561 or 53% had children.

Only 218 or the people admitted or 21% had children living with them.

31 people admitted or 3% had children living in foster care.

Implications for services:

1. It is very clear from these statistics that substance abuse is, indeed, a family disease.

2. Of the people admitted for treatment who have children only a third of them have their children living with them, meaning that their children are being cared for by someone else. Some of these are being cared for by the Counties in Foster Care.

3. Family services such as parenting, family therapy, and reunification services are not funded and rarely provided even though there is a huge need.

4. At GCASA, like most substance abuse agencies, we do provide services to Children of Substance Abusers through our prevention programs knowing that these children are at high risk for substance abuse problems themselves.

The seven Cs for Children of Substance Abusers

While there have been articles before on this blog about Adult Children of Alcoholics and Substance Abusers, we have been derelict in not mentioning that the Children of Alcoholics Week was on February 14 - 20th.

Almost 50% of GCASA's 1050 admissions in 2009 identified themselves as having been children of substance abusers. We know that there is a 4 to 5 times greater chance that children of substance abusers will become substance abusers themselves.

It is valid to describe substance abuse as a family disease. The substance abuse not only affects the person who is abusing substances but all the people that that person has relationships with and the more intense and involved those relationships the greater the negative consequences.

One of the prevention models to help children who are growing up with substance abusing parents is to teach them the 7 Cs:

You didn't cause it,
You can't control it,
You can't cure it,
Take care of yourself,
Communicate your feelings
Make healthy choices
Celebrate yourself.

The first three are especially important.

Check out the National Association of Children Of Alcoholics by clicking here.

GCASA has many services for children of alcoholics. For more information contact Maryann Bowman, the Director of Prevention, at 585-815-1877

What happens when substance abuse prevents parents from caring for their own children?

4.5 million children live in grandparent headed households in the United States.

Over the last 20 years this has been a 30% increase in grandparent headed households.

There are multiple reasons for this increase in grandparent headed households but the single biggest contributor is the substance abuse of the parent.

How do children do in what are called "kinship care" foster homes as compared to traditional foster care? In general, they do better in kinship care.

Here is a snippet from an abstract of a meta analysis of 62 studies that investigated this form of care.

Sixty two quasi-experimental studies were included in this review. Data suggest that children in kinship foster care experience better behavioral development, mental health functioning, and placement stability than do children in non-kinship foster care. Although there was no difference on reunification rates, children in non-kinship foster care were more likely to be adopted while children in kinship foster care were more likely to be in guardianship. Lastly, children in non-kinship foster care were more likely to utilize mental health services.

51% of GCASA's clients report that they are parents, but only 41% of GCASA's clients who have children living with them which means that 60% of the children of GCASA's clients are living elsewhere.

Another interesting fact is that 47% of GCASA's clients report that they, themselves, are the children of substance abusers.

GCASA offers support for grandparents raising their children's children. A support group meets on the first Monday of every month. For more information, contact Sue Hawley at 585-815-1872 or email Sue at shawley@gcasa.org.

Click on image to enlarge for easier reading.

Growing up in substance abusing home

Children who grow up in homes where substance abuse is an issue are often confused, perplexed, ashamed, guilty, and often feel responsible for the dysfunctional things that occur.

It is easy to see why these children become substance abusers themselves just as a way to cope with the dysphoric emotions that they have grown up with and become accustomed to.

These children need to hear from responsible adults the "3 Cs" - You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

These children need to hear this from what Alice Miller, the Swiss Psychoanalyst who has spent her career helping aduts who were abused as children, an elightened witness.

The enlightened witness is the person who understands the situation, has credibility with child and says, "It isn't you. You're not crazy. You're Okay. It's them. They are the ones with the problems."

This is validating for the child and clears up the mystification which has occured wherein the dysfunction has been made to seem like the child's fault and responsibility. The child asks herself, "Is it me or them? Am I crazy?"
The enlightened witness says, "No, it's not you." and the child takes a big sigh of relief and feels Okay even though she must still deal with the dysfunctional sitations that occur.

This is article #15 in a series on Substance Abuse, the Family Disease.

Dysfunctional rules of substance abusing families

The featured topic in July, 2009 was Substance Abuse: The Family Disease and it did not get fully addressed for a variety of reasons so in August, GCASA Cares will continue to feature this topic as well as the topic of Recovery since September is Recovery month.

In this article we will briefly review the rules in families affected by substance abuse and other kinds of dysfunction. They are simply called the "Don't trust", "Don't feel", "Don't talk", and "Don't think" rules.

The rules are pretty self explanatory and operate to maintain equilibrium on the dysfunctional family system. The unconscious learning of these rules have tremendous bearing on the family member's life both in the family of origin where they are learned and later in subsequent relationships.

In healthy relationships the opposite is true. It is Okay to talk, to feel, to think and to trust but it may take years and therapy to learn this.

This is article #14 in a series on Substance Abuse The Family Disease.

I Put My Father In Prison

Alcoholism and drug abuse are family diseases. This young woman describes how alcohol was used by her father to perpetrate incest. The biggest rape drug in the world are not "ruffies", or ecstacy, or some other more exotic substance. It is common, every day, legally sold and consumed and governmentally regulated, alcohol.

From the July 11, 2009 issue of the Guardian :

I was nine when my parents split up and my father moved in with his mother. My sister and I would stay with my father at weekends as part of the contact arrangements, and it was during these overnight stays that he forced me to drink alcohol before submitting me to sexual abuse that carried on for four years.

As soon as I got my period, the abuse stopped. I put it to the back of my mind and tried to get on with my life. Then, when I turned 16, I noticed that my father was showing my younger sister the kind of attention I remembered. One night, I came in from a party and he was sitting staring at her. Something in me snapped, and I went home and told my mother everything.

She couldn't stop crying or blaming herself. She said it explained so many things - for example, why I was rebelling so much and why privacy had become so important to me. I wouldn't even let people in my bedroom. My mother went to social services and they told her to go to the police. I can't fault the police. They put me at ease before taking my statement by video. Then they interviewed some members of my family and arrested my father.

Drug addiction - How it works - 73 second video

How drugs screw up kids and families. One of the best videos I have seen. You'll have to watch it several times to get it all.

Here's how it works in 73 seconds.

Video lasts 1:13.



This is article #19 in a series on substance abuse a Family Disease.

Alcohol Spending Calculator

Rethinking drinking?

How much do you spend on alcohol?

What could you save if you stopped or cut back?

What else could you do with the money? How would the whole family benefit if you used the money spent on alcohol to better purpose?

Discuss the amount of money you spend on alcohol with your partner and children and other family members and decide how else you might spend the money to enhance your family's life satisfaction.

To access the ALCOHOL SPENDING CALCULATOR click here.

This is article #18 in a series on substance abuse a Family Disease.

Financial assistance, Kincare, is available through county department of social services for relatives caring for children

Due to substance abuse problems, many children come to be cared for by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and older siblings. There is a program in New York State called Kincare which provides financial assistance for this care based on the income of the child not the caregiver. To find out more contact your county's social services department.

From the Buffalo News on 06/27/09:

The public assistance program, dubbed Kincare, provides $400 a month for one child and $125 a month for each additional child in a household headed by a grandparent or other relative.

The grant is based solely on the child’s income, and not on the caregiver’s. Because of that, Kincare families need not be low-income. The nonparent caregiver must be full time. And kinship caregivers do not need legal custody or guardianship to apply for these grants.

Yet the financial benefits program is underutilized, said officials of Catholic Charities and AARP New York State, which make up the New York State Kincare Coalition.

According to figures presented by the coalition, there are about 410,000 children in the state who are being raised by a grandparent or other relative.

Of that, state figures show that about 8 percent—or about 32,000 eligible children — are currently receiving the nonparent grant.

Approximately 19,000 children in the City of Buffalo and the counties of Erie, Niagara, Chautauqua, Cattaraugus and Allegany are being raised by a grandparent.

To read the whole article, click here.

Kinship care is far superior to foster care when children need to be removed from their family of origin due to substance abuse of the parents. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings often provide care to children whose parents are too ill to provide the care themselves. This of course, is often a huge stress on the children as well as the caregivers. Any assistance we can provide to the caregivers is appropriate and therapeutic.

This is article #17 in series on substance abuse a Family Disease.

An Alcoholic In The Family Song

An Alcoholic In The Family Song. Click here to go to site to listen to it. It's worth it.

It is sung to 100 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall.

Ninety-Nine bottles of beer
On the wall
Hold poisons, it is true.
If you're alcoholic
And take one drink,
It is the end of you.

ALCOHOLISM hurts
Families the most.
Alcoholism's the pits.
With hurtful words,
Hate, and fear,
They often call it quits.

This is article #16 in a series on substance abuse the Family Disease.

Substance abuse and child abuse - huge social problem

According to the New York State Office Of Child and Family Services as of December 31, 2008 there were 25,878 children in Foster Care In New York State.

The National Center On Child Abuse Prevention Research has a fact sheet which outlines major points about the relationship between substance abuse and child maltreatment. Here is part of what the fact sheet says:

Click on image to enlarge for easier reading.



Video lasts 1:00.



This is article #16 in a series on substance abuse a Family Disease.

Seven effects of alcoholic parents on children

At GCASA we teach children of alcoholics the 3 Cs:

You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

Video lasts 3:43.



This is article #15 in a series on substance abuse a Family Disease.

Aftermaith of addiction for families - Everything Changes by Beverly Conyers

Beverly Conyers has a great new book out entitled, "Everything Changes: Help for Families of Newly Recovering Addicts".)You can find out more by clicking on the book in the My Favorities section on the side bar.)

It has been a better known idea in the last couple of decades that substance abuse is a family disease. There is a lot of literature aind self help books on how to cope with an active addict and how to help the addict get treatment, but there is less literature on how to live with an addict after he/she becomes abstinent.

It is a terrible and tragic thing to live with addiction, but it is sometimes just as difficult to live with the aftermath and there often is less support since people are so relieved and jubilent that abstinence has occurred. But for loved ones huge problems remain and continue, and for the addict as well.

I recommend Conyers book to you and we will be describing some of the issues and concerns in dealing with ther aftermath of addiction in articles that follow for the rest of July on GCASA Cares blog.

This is article #14 in a series on s.bstance abuse a Family Disease.

Rules and Roles of Dysfunctional Alcoholic Family Systems

"It is my belief that what a spouse or child does while living in an alcoholic environment,they do because at the time it makes sense to them. As the problems surrounding the alcoholism cause more and more inconsistency and unpredictability in the home, the behavior of the nonalcoholic family members typically becomes an attempt to restabilize the family system."

Claudia Black, It Will Never Happen To Me, p. 5

The family system can be described as consisting of roles and rules. Typical family roles include the co-dependent, the responsible one, the adjuster, and the placater. Of course, there can be other roles but these roles are basic in alcoholic family systems.

The primary rules of alcoholic family sytems are Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel, Don't Think.

People in alcoholic family systems play dysfunctional roles by dysfunctional rules because they provide a way to survive in a toxic and destructive environment. These rules and roles therefore, can be interpreted as adaptive and healthy. They are a sign of strength and vitality not a sign of weakness and deficiency.

Counselors have looked at the rules and roles of dysfunctional family systems as symptoms of disorder, but they can just as well be looked at as signs of adaptation, strength, skills and competencies.

The roles and rules of dysfunctional alcoholic family systems have their place and serve their purpose. It is how they are used and the dysfunctional systems they maintain that are the problem, not the roles and rules in themselves.

This is article #13 in a series on Substance Abuse The Family Disease

How does co-dependence affect children?

It is interesting how co-dependence affects children. Here is a great example from Claudia Black's great book, It Will Never Happen To Me.

"Joan can't count on her mom to be attentive about what she has to say after coming home from school. Joan's mom doesn't smile after hearing something funny which happened to Joan at school, nor is her mom very sensitive to her sadnesses. Usually, Joan's mom is preoccupied with what happened last night, or what didn't happen last night, as a result of dad's drinking."

It Will Never Happen To Me, p.35

I am seeing a teen right now in my private practice who is the "good girl" but who is suicidal, anorexic, and significantly depressed. She says that her mother is "stupid" because her mother states that she "complains too much". The teen says that dad drinks every night after work and he and mom fight. The teen says that she goes up to her bedroom and turns up her music so she doesn't have to hear the fighting.

The teen reports she went to her doctor who said she was depressed and recommended antidepressants. She says she wanted to "talk with some" so the doctor referred her to me. She says mom doesn't want to bring her because mom says it is a "waste of time."

I offer to see Mom but the teen declines saying that Mom will "yell at me if I tell you what is going on at hom. It will just make her mad."

I say, "It sounds like there is anyone you can trust?"

She nods and her eyes well up.

I am struck with how substance abuse is not only a family disease but it is transgenerational.

And so it goes..............

This is article #6 on substance abuse the Family Disease.

The Don't Trust Rule in dysfunctional alcoholic family systems

"I'm always on my guard with people. I want to trust them, but it is so much easier to just rely on myself. I'm never sure what other people want."

It Will Never Happen To Me, p.33

The Don't Talk rule in dysfunctional family systems

"Sometimes I pretend my mom is not drinking when she really is. I never even talk about it."

Melody, Age 9, It Will Never Happen To Me, p.33

Natalie Merchant and 10,000 Maniacs

Video lasts 4:04 -




Don't talk, I will listen.
Don't talk, you keep your distance
for I'd rather hear some truth tonight than entertain your lies,
so take you poison silently.
Let me be. Let me close my eyes.

Don't talk, I'll believe it.
Don't talk, listen to me instead,
I know that if you think of it, both long enough and hard
the drink you drown your troubles in is the trouble you're in now.

Talk talk talk about it, if you talk as if you care
but when your talk is over tilt that bottle in the air,
tossing back more than your share.

Don't talk, I can guess it.
Don't talk, well now your restless
and you need somewhere to put the blame for how you feel inside.
You'll look for a close and easy mark and you'll see me as fair game.

Talk talk talk about it, talk as if you care
but when your talk is over tilt that bottle in the air
tossing back more than your share.

You talk talk talk about it, you talk as if you care.
I'm marking every word and can tell this time for sure,
your talk is the finest I have heard.
So don't talk, let me go on dreaming.
How your eyes they glow so fiercely I can tell your inspired
by the name you chose for me. Now what was it? O, never mind it.

We will talk talk talk about this when your head is clear.
I'll discuss this in the morning, but until then you may talk but I won't hear.

Los Angeles Diaries, the book

Even before the scandal, I had read James Frey's A Million Pieces and knew that it was a bunch of dramatic exaggerations of what rehab is really like. Turns out, Oprah is mortified at what any reasonable person already knew, that James Frey made up most of the stuff in his memoir.

By comparison, I just finished James Brown's memoir, The Los Angeles Diaries, in which he describes his own addictions, his failed marriage, the suicides of his brother, and then sister, and his difficulty in achieving success in his field as a writer because of his alcoholism and his drug addiction.

Brown's book is more like the real thing. It is sketchy, written in a sparse and succinct style and yet very readable and engaging.

Brown grows up in a very dysfunctional family abandoned by his mother during some very formative years because she does prison time for arson after burning down an apartment house in which a person died. His mother also bankrupted the family with wild spending and poor investments and his contractor father is ruined. Jimmy started drinking and drugging when he was a kid and by the age of 14 had become an addict.

This is a dark tale told in a matter of fact way about the destruction of a family due to substance abuse. If there is any doubt that substance abuse is a terminal disease, James Brown's story will set that doubt aside.

I recommend this book.

For more information, scroll through My Favorites on the side bar, and click on Los Angeles Diaries. It will take you to the Amazon web site.

More than 10% of kids in U.S. living with parent with substance abuse problem

The Center for Substance Abuse Research (CESAR)at the University of Maryland reported this week, May 11, 2009 on data collected by the National Survey on Drug Use and Health that 11.9% of children in the United States live with a parent who has abused or was dependent on alcohol or an illicit drug in the last year. The younger the child the more likely the child is to be living with a parent with the disease, 14% for kids younger than 3 to 10% for kids 12 - 17.

Those of us in the field who are knowledgable have observed for a long time that the alcohol and drug problem doesn't start with kids but with their parents. How can a parent abusing or dependent on drugs themselves properly parent a child?

This data validates the idea that substance abuse is, indeed, a family disease. GCASA will be developing programming increasinly to deal with this systemic phenomenon.

Click on image for easier reading.



This is article #10 in a series on Substance Abuse The Family Disease.

Substance abuse the family disease - blaming the kids

Claudia Black writes in her book, "It will never happen to me", on page 5:

"While one of the clear indicators for a smoothly working family is consistency, the words which best describe living in an alcoholic family are inconsistency and unpredictability. It is my belief that what a spouse or child does while living in an alcoholic environment, they do because at the time it makes sense to them. As the problems surrounding alcoholism cause more and more inconsistency and unpredictability in the home, the behavior of the nonalcoholic family members typically becomes an attempt to restabilize the family system. Members of this family system act and react in manners which make life easier and less painful for them."

As a family counselor I observe this phenomenon all the time. The child get identified as the one having problems and gets referred. The child's grades are dropping. The child is disruptive in school. The child is not coming home at the appointed time. Chores are not getting done. The child is becoming more defiant.

The child becomes the symptom bearer for the family. The child becomes identified as the problem. The child becomes twice victimized: once by the alcoholic family, and second by the authority figures who identify the child as "bad".

As a counselor, I am aware of the injustice and chaos at home. I help the child figure out how he/she can deal with the situation without further victimizing him/herself. Parents are often ashamed and experience fear of being blamed and so they further scapegoat their own child for the problems alcohol is causing in their family.

Alcohol advertisements lie to people. Alcohol does not contribute to the good life, to celebration and good times, it often contributes to misery, degredation, and enormous suffering.

If only the truth were known and appreciated, we would be living in a much better world.

We have substance abuse professionals at GCASA that do understand. We see the damage done every day. We help people understand the cause of their suffering and help them create a better life for themselves.

Breweries and distilleries prey on people and it is the children who suffer the most of all.

This is article #9 in a series on substance abuse a family disease.